Ineffective Communication

I can't seem to wrap my head around how big and harmful ineffective communication is between us humans. In my work, I see this in the world of business as I now mainly work with entrepreneurs and teams.

So much potential is not tapped into because of ineffective communication. But what does that look like in our day to day lives?

Ineffective communication shows up in so many ways but here are the most common ones:

1- People holding back from saying what's really on their mind

I see it over and over again, people only share what they really think everywhere except where it matters the most, with the person who it matters to the most. What I have noticed is that people take the easier way out (staying silent), because they fear the potential for conflict, resistance, or loosing their jobs. Another reason is the sheer amount of thought on top of what it is we want to communicate. Instead of communicating with curiosity, questions, and neutral observations, we bring with it a lot of thinking that takes the form of opinions, expertise, and insecurity.

2- Conversations losing direction and no one speaks up about it

It is more common than not, that you find yourself confused or lost in the middle of a conversation. And most of us avoid pausing and admitting that we are completely confused and lost because we fear for our self image (Ego). This is common because we all live in our own mental reality, and not taking this into account often leads our communications way off track. We begin communicating about the same point, and soon after, we are move apart as we see things only from our perspective. 

3- Conversations spiraling down towards tension and argument, proving a point, and resistance for HOURS, and no one would stop it

This point is connected to the one before it. We underestimate the power of realizing when a conversation went off track and taking a break to cool off and get back to a quieter state. Some of us can recognize when a conversation is going downwards, but rare is the case that we get out of it and gather ourselves back before continuing the conversation. A simple pause can be transformational. 

4- People taking others seriously in their low moments! 

Here we can see why conversations spiral down more and more ending up in tragic decisions. It's hard for us to see the low states in others, so instead of taking a step back and not take things personally, we do the exact opposite. There is a misunderstanding out there that what comes out of someone's low moments is the truth. "Finally your true intentions are showing", many of us often think! Have you ever said something only to take it back later when you get your common sense back? That's how we all are. We go through a low state of mind where everything looks worse, and we say and do things that we might regret later. Wouldn't it be great if others didn't take us so seriously in our low moments, and we did the same thing too?!

These are 4 of the many ways ineffective communication can show up, and hopefully you can start to recognize these symptoms when they appear because recognising their presence is half the solution.

Which one do you already see happening the most in your communications?